"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
