She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
