We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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