I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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