Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So squirting runs in the family.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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