you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
