had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
