i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
