I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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