So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
