I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
