just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
