I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
