Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
