508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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