Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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