my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
