Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize