Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
