i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
