I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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