Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
