His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
