i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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