I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you inspire me to be a worse person
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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