You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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