just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
