i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
