Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
