But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
