don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think your dad took our porno
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
