no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
