I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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