So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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