She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
