come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Bring me that man meat
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
