My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
