it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
no you cant smoke seaweed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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