hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
a search helicopter?!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize