he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
