Can Purell be used as lube?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
