there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
