I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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