Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
