He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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