I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
