If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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