Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
