please come you make the beer taste better
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
