I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
