literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
