I got chris browned last night
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
