I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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