Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
