My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
