This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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