Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
