Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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