Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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