I bet he comes in French.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize