So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
