i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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