Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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