just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
